Friday, April 2, 2010

I'm Disappointed in Maurice Cheeks

You know... Call me unfair, but when I hear a man is named Maurice "Mo" Cheeks, I expect him to have some cheeks on him. So when I see this picture:,%20John/Award%20winners/080416_Coach_Maurice-Cheeks.widec.jpg

I get a little mad. Mr. Cheeks, you have no right to look so upset. I'm the person seeing a guy with a misleading name. I mean, SERIOUSLY, that's your name? That's the kind of name I would make up when ordering a pizza (And only a pizza). I mean, can't you work on your image a little?

I guess that's a little better. Your cheeks do kind of look a little big, but I dunno. I'm just not feeling it. Show me some TRAIL BLAZING CHEEKS! Some cheeks that I've never seen before! Some cheeks that light up the sky in all their cheeky glory!

YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING NOW! No wonder you got fired... all those time. But man, you sure can grow a bitchin' moustache. Oh wait... I just realized. Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong cheeks.
Ohhhh shiiiiiiit!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Have you guys heard of this "March Madness" thing?

If you haven't, well, too bad. Because it's April now and anyone who still has "March Madness" is just lagging behind. Now it's April Madness, which is less mad because it only lasts a few days and a lot of people aren't considered mad enough to participate. I did my schooling up north and in at a Liberal Arts College and we didn't have a basketball team. Or a football team. I think we had a Men's volleyball team, though. They won a game. Anyway, so when people were talking about "March Madness" I always assumed they meant what my Uncle Leo suffered from until that fateful March where he screamed at a horse "I have the March Madness!!" until he died from exposure. Apparently, March Madness also has something to do with Basketball. But mostly gambling.

Now, In order to understand this whole NCAA Championship, I looked at the Wikipedia entry (which is also how I learned of the term "NCAA Championship"). And MAN. It looks complex. And boring. There's something to do with seeds and uh... numbers. All for a bunch of Idiot College students. College students are jerks! I should know. I was one. And let me tell you, I didn't do ANYTHING well in college. Certainly not play basketball. I don't know, maybe I'll ask someone to explain it to me before it ends on the Fifth. Or I'll just wait for next year. Maybe I'll even make one of those brackets everyone keeps making! I sure do love filling in blank spaces with names of colleges.

OH! And here's a little known fact, the term "March Madness" was actually coined by H.P. Lovecraft, author of "Herbert West - Reanimator" and originator of the Cthulhu Mythos, and is thought of as his last contribution to the world of Basketball. So uh... my pick for who wins? Uhhh... Duke probably. They have the shortest name so the players are probably weighed down the least by their uniforms.
AHHHHH!!! I have The March Madness!!!