Monday, March 29, 2010

The Glorious One Teaches Me a Lesson Old As Time

We've all heard it before: "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game." Classic bullshit line, right? WRONG. Not as long as The Glorious One is around. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. When most people tell you that are just trying to cheer you up as awful bull's shit drips slowly from their mouth and onto your feet. But when the Glorious One tells you that: Cold as STONE sage style advice. The difference between the Glorious One and everyone else? EVERYTHING. He is living that advice. No one loses harder than the Nets (SPORTS FACT), but when the Glorious One struts onto the court, not only are the Nets winning, they are tearing it up. And you're winning too, because you're on the Nets. Everyone is winning and On the Nets when the Glorious One struts. Oh, and when he struts, he STRUTS. At first, I laughed at him, all dolled up like some kind of two-bit, family friendly rapper, his arms swaying behind him like a fool. But I was the one who was the fool. That's just how the Glorious One gets you. He lowers your defenses. Then before you know it, you're having your picture taken with him. He IS superhuman. Slappin' high-fives like nobody else! Propelling T-Shirts and Burritos upward with incredible force! Using his TELEPATHY to identify people who have won Steak Dinners and other assorted promotions. Although, I don't think it was telepathy exactly, he clearly exhibits some kind of mental power. Also kids love him! At one point, and I am not exaggerating, he walked off court and a horde of children surrounded him and hugged him. Loved him. It was incredible. I have never seen kids so crazy about ANYONE! They surrounded him! And kids ONLY hug important people. So don't worry, New Jersey Nets, you may be losing, but at least The Glorious One is playing the game.
An Artist's Rendering of The Glorious One

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